kibwecrsytal_full

More About Porn and Throwing

Warning: This post contains references to sex and other explicit content.

kibwecrsytal_fullMy last post was a start on the comparison between porn, sex, and hammer throwing. The comparison continues here in part two. Who knew that throwing your hammer around and throwing a hammer would have so much in common!

5. How many licks does it take?

The answer to that question will vary on many things… We’ve all heard the saying that there are many ways to skin a cat. This is also true for skinning the sheets. There are any number of positions you can use, and I’m sure your favorite sites have your favorite girls and guys doing all sorts of funky things like the Couch Surfer or the Butter Churner (cue google search). But let’s face it, you probably have your standby positions that get the deed done, maybe you have a few, maybe you have only one position that works for you. There is no difference in the hammer. Every athlete has their own way of pushing, and it is up to the coach to figure out what is going to work best with that athlete. Maybe it’s plain old missionary? But to be an anonprick and say that reverse cowgirl is wrong compared to cowgirl is simply silly – because in essence they’re both pushing . . . Nikulin vs Tamm vs Sedyk vs Litvinov – they all threw very far because they pushed the hammer, and they all looked differently doing it.

6. As hard as a diamond in an ice storm.

Woah, woah, woah . . . before you confuse the metaphor, I’m talking about pushing the hammer (wink). But back to penises . . . Have you ever seen Mr. Bonerific lose the rigidity of his leaning tower of penis mid scene? Now, I claim to be no aficionado, but I have not. This, I’m purely guessing, is due to a few things: video editing, fluffers, and performance enhancers. When it comes to throwing, I would hope no one cares enough to edit video of a throw to make it look like it’s going far. This would be fruitless anyways, because the tape measure never lies. BUT where creative editing comes into play with throwing is when athlete’s throw big PBs at infamously illegal fields and then proceed to act like a boss. Often this boss, takes pictures of his new PB and often if you look closely enough the landing field is nowhere in site (you all know what I’m talking about). This is an example of a creative way to “edit” your performance. Everyone has their fluffers. Depending on how well-liked you are, the fluffers are the crowd! They’ll even give you the clap if you ask for it! Except, this is the kind of clap that you actually want!

Lastly, performance enhancers! What’s a boy to think when he sees Rammy McRamstein go for 30 minutes straight without even a hint of the end in sight? Well, fret not, young padawans, there’s a little blue pill that can give you a nice lift! They all do it, right? This is often the argument when someone sees something they cannot fathom or achieve themselves, due to poor genetics, laziness, or just plain old hating. This line of thinking implies that all you would have to do is take drugs and everybody would be World Record Holders. In porn, it’s not illegal, and dignity and integrity are not high on the prerequisites to star in Milf Hunters 24. In athletics, it is a different story. Of course there are drugs, I’m not trying to imply there isn’t. Dr. B is frank about the drug use in the old days. But his athletes were still the best. He didn’t have access to one special drug, that no one else had, and his athlete’s still threw farther. Why? Because they had a better system and technical model. Whether Mr. McRamstein takes the blue pill or not, it’s no guarantee his partner is going to reach the top of Mt. Cumamanjaro – just as taking performance enhancing drugs is no guarantee that you’re going to throw far.

7. Volume! Volume! Volume!

Step back for a moment and think about the first time you ever got laid? Was it good? Did it last a long time? What about the first time you threw a hammer? The point is, you need to throw a lot to be good at it. This is no different than taking the hot dog bus to taco town. You have to drive that route over and over, so you don’t get lost.

In short, you have to practice, practice, practice. If you want your partner to have a smashing good time, then you practice with them often. You do this to learn the feel, how to do it better, how to improve, hot to make the best use of your time, and because it’s delightful! We shouldn’t forget that. Throwing hammer is fun, albeit funner when it’s going far. As a young lad(dy), it would have been nothing to snap your hammer off 10 sessions a week, but did you throw the hammer that often? Hammer throwers need to spend more time throwing…wooing it even. Wouldn’t you woo your partner?

8. You never see him screwing the doorknob

Okay, unless you’re into some really weird shit (no judgement), you rarely see Dirk Diggler giving it to the doorknob. He knows where the glorious target is, and that’s how he can ensure he’s a kind and considerate lover. One of the biggest problems in hammer throwing is no one knows where the target is – aka the hammer. We can sit and critique someone’s foot placement or angle of release, but if your angle of release is straight into a doorknob your bloodline is going to dwindle fast. This is what happens when you don’t push, you end up wailing away on the poor door wondering why you don’t have any children.

Oh, oh, ohhhhhhhh…I’m done:

Like I said in the last post, the bottom line is that f*cking and throwing are based on feel. I’m not saying biomechanics and analysis don’t have their place. They do, but only as measures, not as guides to coach. Distance is also only a measure. You don’t abandon your core technical model if a throw goes far, and you don’t abandon it if it doesn’t go far. We need to stop watching silly details, and start watching the hammer first – because if you’re not pushing, nothing else matters. When things aren’t going well, you continue to work on the push, program carefully, observe even more carefully, and maintain the integrity of the technique. Will you falter? Absolutely, but the map is still there to follow, the map doesn’t change, so eventually you recalculate and get to the final destination: genuine, multiple throwgasms!

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