Show me your O face.

Throwing and Porn: More In Common Than You Think

Warning: This post contains references to sex and other explicit content.

Before we get down to the nitty gritty, I recently returned from the USA Championships in Sacramento. It was great to see Kibwé come away with the win, even though I know his result was far less than he expects of himself. Something you may not know about Kibwé is that he is a big time track geek. He seeks out all results, live streams, TV broadcasts, anything track related he can get his hands on relating to the sport he loves . . . even the live chats on MacThrow, full of all the anonassholes . . . which leads me back to the whole title of this article.

Kibwé was the recent topic on MacThrow. A picture from USAs was posted and all the anonhaters and anonpostulaters began discussing the photo and how it relates to the technique – some good was said, but mostly bad. During these faceless discussions everyone has an opinion as they hide behind their warm, soft, cuddly blanket of anonymity. It is ignorant to look at a still photo and talk about what you think it should look like or how it’s supposed to look, but what these anonidiots don’t realize is that their opinion in this context is completely worthless. It got me thinking, however, about the thought process behind this line of thinking and how that’s truly the problem. Now, don’t get me wrong, Kibwé’s technique was not on point at championships, and I’m not going to get into his preparations and training and why this came to be . . .

What I want to talk about is why anonexperts think it’s relevant to compare one photo to another, or one video to another. Tamm vs Sedyck, or Nikulin vs Litvinov? A useful analogy I came up with relates to pornography and sex. So, let’s compare throwing vs pornography video/photo analysis shall we?

1. She’s faking it?

Show me your O face.

Show me your O face.

Well, she’s satisfied, so it must have been good, right? That’s what you’re thinking when you see your favorite starlet hollering like a banshee. But let’s face facts: her screaming in vain during a scene, and you screaming at the end of the throw give no guarantee that hammer goes far or that she experiences an orgasm. I heard many faked throwgasms during the men’s hammer final and the results prove they didn’t make the hammer go far. The hopeful competitors are trying to will that throw to further places, and unlike the starlets in your movies, they are only kidding themselves. Those girls in the movies are putting on a show for the viewer, the same can be said for athletes, the difference is, I think sometimes athletes are even fooling themselves. They aren’t even sure if the throw is going to go far, so they fake a throwgasm in hopes that it’s the real deal. I’m as guilty as the next thrower. This isn’t completely on the athlete, or the poor girl left hanging in Big Boobs 54. It’s up to the girl’s partner, and the athlete’s coach to help them reach their peak.

2. He’s really giving it to her…isn’t he?

So you’re watching a juicy clip and thinking, “Man, Mr. Dong Wang is really laying the pipe.” (There’s so many things wrong with that sentence you pervs, but moving on . . .). So Wang is working hard, he’s sweating, he’s pounding away ferociously like a clichéd jackhammer. Not only that, but it looks like he’s making headway (pun intended) with Ms. Takes It All Day for Cash. He finishes, she finishes, another magical moment in the porn industry. Now that you’ve seen this magical moment, you’re a f*cking pro. Literally! You can go have the sex like the best of them, and every woman you bed will walk away satisfied? What’s wrong with this picture? The same thing that is wrong with all these armchair coaches that watch some video and look at pictures of throwers and come away with the notion “I f*cking got this!” It’s almost like the anonknowitalls live in the Matrix and uploaded years of throwing technique and training knowledge in seconds and have come back to teach the rest of us how it’s done.

3. Who cares if he had a pedicure!

Sooooo . . . foot fetish folks aside, did you notice if the starlets in your favorite clip or movie had pedicures? What about their hip extension? Did you retrieve your goniometer and measure the exact amount of hip extension Sir Dicks Alot achieved during Butt Bangers 84? Probably not, so why in god’s name are you measuring the angle of release and then actively trying to improve that inane variable? Not to be flippant, I understand this affects how far a hammer sails, but it is a terrible cue or technical factor to try and manipulate. Just as it is ridiculous to try and coach someone to achieve a certain amount of hip extension during coitus. Aside from that, imagine if during sex you were thinking about your hip extension, or whether you had a pedicure or not? How successfully can either of you achieve your copular goals, if you are so focused on silly measures, that you lose sight of the delightful deed you are pursuing?

4. Size matters?

What’s that old saying, something about motion of the ocean? Let’s face it, that saying was made up by some guy with a tiny phallus. Don’t cry too hard anontinypricks. My point is, if you’re doing vid/photo analysis of male porn stars, what you’re seeing is unreliable. Maybe Mr. Big is with a very tiny girl, making him look like Mr. Normal. Enter man hands, and all of a sudden Mr. Normal becomes Mr. Small. The same is true for throwing. You can’t get an accurate handle on what you’re seeing unless you really get in there and see it in person and are familiar with the ins and outs (pun unintended) of that athlete and what works for them. How do you do that? Watch full throws, lots and lots and lots of them. A snapshot will never tell you if an athlete is pushing during the throw, it won’t tell you whether a throw is “right” or “wrong” by cross comparison, and it certainly won’t tell you if Mr. Small can make that motion of the ocean nonsense true.

The bottom line is that f*cking and throwing are based on feel. I’m not saying biomechanics and analysis don’t have their place. They do, but only as measures, not as guides to coach.

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  1. […] last post was a start on the comparison between porn, sex, and hammer throwing. The comparison continues here […]

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