How to be a guru

So you want to be a guru? Here are some helpful tips I have learned through observation of many of the well-known gurus in action.

  • Make everything as complex as possible, it you are not sure make it more complicated.
  • Use big words that no one can understand or spell so they can’t look them up in any reputable source. Make up words wherever possible.
  • Be as sciencey as possible. Cite obscure studies in Russian journals that no one can find much less read.
  • Mumble a lot so people can’t understand you but they still think you are saying profound things.
  • Claim every athlete you ever walked by in the gym or at the track as one of the pros or Olympic medalists you worked with.
  • Have as many letters as possible after your name. Make some of them up if you are not sure, it is always good to have a few extra.
  • Steal ideas and pretend like you made them up. Don’t give credit to anyone because it might make you look like less of an expert.
  • Hide behind palatial facilities and machines that go bling, bam & boom.
  • Pretend that training and working out started when Al Gore invented the Internet, obviously anything before that is irrelevant. If it is old is can’t be any good.

This is obviously tongue in cheek but if you take a step back and look around you will see much of this in journals, workshops and especially on the internet. The only way this will change is if we start calling these people on their words and actions. Be aware, look for substance not style and think critically. Follow principles not personalities.