A father’s reflections on developing young athletes
Today is Father’s Day and it has me reflecting on how parenthood has shaped my views on developing young athletes. My wife and I never set out with a plan, but when I look back at a decade of parenting there are some key values that really stick out. Before I share them, let me start with a disclaimer: I’m not an expert on long term athlete development. My official academic title is simply dad. What I lack in expertise I compensate for in a passion to see my kids lead an active and healthy lifestyle. You can ask me in a few decades if our approach worked or not, but below I share the principles that have guided us so far:
- It starts with lifestyle. Doing organized sport for an hour every day is great, but if that’s the only movement a child is getting it will never be enough. Back in 2020 Jack Mullaney (now head coach at NAZ Elite) talked to the GAIN network about the role of accidental fitness in his distance runners. As COVID struck he realized the only daily movement his athletes were getting was in training. It wasn’t enough. Even little things like walking to class was gone from gone from their life. This is not just a COVID issue. Both pre- and post-pandemic many children around the world are just not active. I’m thankful to live in a country where kids have to walk to school every day, play at the playground, walk to the store, and generally move a lot. Doing sports on top of that is great, but you get your true foundation of athleticism from your daily life and habits.
- Kids need training partners more than they need a coach. Physical activity at a young age should be about play. Having more partners makes the play easier and more fun. Unfortunately, having a coach often takes away some of the play. I carry this philosophy into when I am doing physical activities together with my kids: I’m there as a training partner, not a coach. Like any good partner I can still challenge them, secure them, and give them tips. But the dynamic is one of play first and they are guiding it.
- It’s about their dreams, not yours. I was an elite hammer thrower. Finding the hammer throw was truly one of the turning points in my life, as it ignited a life-long passion for challenging myself through physical activity. But there is no way my parents could have planned this. When I was 9 years old I didn’t even know what the hammer throw was. So why should I expect my daughter to already choose what sports to focus on? At this age kids need to explore and stumble upon their own passion. Too often parents force their own dream on their kids and only rarely do our children find the same passion in our favorite activities. As parents, we should be chasing passion, not results.
- Sport isn’t just about competition. Similarly, you might dream that your child becomes a champion, but is that their dream too? There are many ways to find joy in sport that do not involve elite performance. Based on my own competitive background you might be surprised to learn that my kids do not do any competitive sports at the moment. I’m extremely competitive. But my oldest daughter just isn’t. She likes to push things at her own pace, and she chooses sports to match that like climbing, skiing, and dancing. When I recently asked her what her favorite sport is, she answered going to training. She likes exploring and her answer showed it. I give her free range in the gym and she’s often trying to learn new things by tumbling, mimicking our weightlifting, or creating a new ball game. Things may change in the future, but I don’t want to take the joy out of sport by forcing her into some competitive pathway when that isn‘t her dream. She can learn at her own pace in an environment she feels most comfortable in.
- General development opens doors. In most sports, a good general athlete can jump in at a later age and catch up. I see this all the time in the hammer throw. Even in my own experience I had decent success in the hammer throw despite only starting at age 16, American football despite starting at age 17, and was Swiss champion in rugby after picking up the sport at age 36. This might not be true in some sports like gymnastics, but to be honest I’m not so interested in such sports as early intense specialization has its costs, both mentally, physically, and financially.
- Be around people who enjoy physical activity and challenge. I find it extremely important to surround my kids with strong confident athletes; people who enjoy physical activity for the inherent fun and challenges it provides. Therefore I’m thankful that my wife and I find joy in sport. And even more thankful that my training group has joy in training (and has the patience to tolerate kids running around at training and the frequent interruptions to my attention). Kids need role models, but more importantly they need to see that sport is a normal part of life that everyone should enjoy.
As I said, ask me in a few decades if this approach worked. How will I know if it has? If my kids are still hiking, skiing, and playing tennis with me, that’s the key sign of success, regardless of if there are any medals gathering dust in their closet.
