Expectations are annoyingly tough to define. You often find yourself navigating the fine line between goal crushing euphoria, and the slippery slope of the seemingly insurmountable odds of reaching the peak of the tallest mountain. How can you possibly attempt to handle the expectation when you know that one misstep will send you careening down a crevasse of the internal, “I told you so?” Read more
It’s 2018. ‘New year, new me,’ and all that jazz. We’ve all done it before. If you’re anything like me, you’re already pretty comfortable with the person you are in this moment. That’s not to say I’m too cool to never continue to improve myself as a man, as a father, as a husband, etc. That’s to say most of us predominantly already are who we are. And there’s nothing wrong with that! Yet we still can, and must improve. Read more
I’ve launched my online coaching academy: The eCademy of Throws! This is a venture I starting to not only be able to reach more athletes at a younger age, but to meet the demand of athletes looking for quality coaching without having to move thousands of miles. Too many of our fine athletes are lost to the real world in the purgatory that is the post collegiate and signed athlete. Read more
A rivalry between two athletes or teams can be something truly incredible to witness. Ali vs Frazier. Magic vs Bird. Palmer vs Nicklaus. All of these athletes were incredible to watch on their own, but when they performed in opposition, special things were bound to happen. Read more
There is a precise point during the throw where the active motion in the turn goes from a pull to a push. I call this the Push Point™ (a little Phil Dunphy reference).
In order to push, you must have both feet on the ground for double support. There is no grey area. Pulling isn’t a death sentence, clearly. But the most efficient, effortless throws are the ones pushed through the push point which allows the hammer to do the work for you. Sometimes the difference between a push and a pull is the day, the program, or level of nervous system fatigue. For example, when I’m down, my ability to reach the push point, let alone push my hammer through it, is not as good. So what’s important is to always strive for the desired feeling of working through your feeling and not concerning yourself with the appearance of your throw.
Warning: This post contains references to sex and other explicit content.
My last post was a start on the comparison between porn, sex, and hammer throwing. The comparison continues here in part two. Who knew that throwing your hammer around and throwing a hammer would have so much in common!
5. How many licks does it take?
The answer to that question will vary on many things… We’ve all heard the saying that there are many ways to skin a cat. This is also true for skinning the sheets. There are any number of positions you can use, and I’m sure your favorite sites have your favorite girls and guys doing all sorts of funky things like the Couch Surfer or the Butter Churner (cue google search). But let’s face it, you probably have your standby positions that get the deed done, maybe you have a few, maybe you have only one position that works for you. There is no difference in the hammer. Every athlete has their own way of pushing, and it is up to the coach to figure out what is going to work best with that athlete. Maybe it’s plain old missionary? But to be an anonprick and say that reverse cowgirl is wrong compared to cowgirl is simply silly – because in essence they’re both pushing . . . Nikulin vs Tamm vs Sedyk vs Litvinov – they all threw very far because they pushed the hammer, and they all looked differently doing it.
6. As hard as a diamond in an ice storm.
Woah, woah, woah . . . before you confuse the metaphor, I’m talking about pushing the hammer (wink). But back to penises . . . Have you ever seen Mr. Bonerific lose the rigidity of his leaning tower of penis mid scene? Now, I claim to be no aficionado, but I have not. This, I’m purely guessing, is due to a few things: video editing, fluffers, and performance enhancers. When it comes to throwing, I would hope no one cares enough to edit video of a throw to make it look like it’s going far. This would be fruitless anyways, because the tape measure never lies. BUT where creative editing comes into play with throwing is when athlete’s throw big PBs at infamously illegal fields and then proceed to act like a boss. Often this boss, takes pictures of his new PB and often if you look closely enough the landing field is nowhere in site (you all know what I’m talking about). This is an example of a creative way to “edit” your performance. Everyone has their fluffers. Depending on how well-liked you are, the fluffers are the crowd! They’ll even give you the clap if you ask for it! Except, this is the kind of clap that you actually want!
Lastly, performance enhancers! What’s a boy to think when he sees Rammy McRamstein go for 30 minutes straight without even a hint of the end in sight? Well, fret not, young padawans, there’s a little blue pill that can give you a nice lift! They all do it, right? This is often the argument when someone sees something they cannot fathom or achieve themselves, due to poor genetics, laziness, or just plain old hating. This line of thinking implies that all you would have to do is take drugs and everybody would be World Record Holders. In porn, it’s not illegal, and dignity and integrity are not high on the prerequisites to star in Milf Hunters 24. In athletics, it is a different story. Of course there are drugs, I’m not trying to imply there isn’t. Dr. B is frank about the drug use in the old days. But his athletes were still the best. He didn’t have access to one special drug, that no one else had, and his athlete’s still threw farther. Why? Because they had a better system and technical model. Whether Mr. McRamstein takes the blue pill or not, it’s no guarantee his partner is going to reach the top of Mt. Cumamanjaro – just as taking performance enhancing drugs is no guarantee that you’re going to throw far.
7. Volume! Volume! Volume!
Step back for a moment and think about the first time you ever got laid? Was it good? Did it last a long time? What about the first time you threw a hammer? The point is, you need to throw a lot to be good at it. This is no different than taking the hot dog bus to taco town. You have to drive that route over and over, so you don’t get lost.
In short, you have to practice, practice, practice. If you want your partner to have a smashing good time, then you practice with them often. You do this to learn the feel, how to do it better, how to improve, hot to make the best use of your time, and because it’s delightful! We shouldn’t forget that. Throwing hammer is fun, albeit funner when it’s going far. As a young lad(dy), it would have been nothing to snap your hammer off 10 sessions a week, but did you throw the hammer that often? Hammer throwers need to spend more time throwing…wooing it even. Wouldn’t you woo your partner?
8. You never see him screwing the doorknob
Okay, unless you’re into some really weird shit (no judgement), you rarely see Dirk Diggler giving it to the doorknob. He knows where the glorious target is, and that’s how he can ensure he’s a kind and considerate lover. One of the biggest problems in hammer throwing is no one knows where the target is – aka the hammer. We can sit and critique someone’s foot placement or angle of release, but if your angle of release is straight into a doorknob your bloodline is going to dwindle fast. This is what happens when you don’t push, you end up wailing away on the poor door wondering why you don’t have any children.
Oh, oh, ohhhhhhhh…I’m done:
Like I said in the last post, the bottom line is that f*cking and throwing are based on feel. I’m not saying biomechanics and analysis don’t have their place. They do, but only as measures, not as guides to coach. Distance is also only a measure. You don’t abandon your core technical model if a throw goes far, and you don’t abandon it if it doesn’t go far. We need to stop watching silly details, and start watching the hammer first – because if you’re not pushing, nothing else matters. When things aren’t going well, you continue to work on the push, program carefully, observe even more carefully, and maintain the integrity of the technique. Will you falter? Absolutely, but the map is still there to follow, the map doesn’t change, so eventually you recalculate and get to the final destination: genuine, multiple throwgasms!
Warning: This post contains references to sex and other explicit content.
Before we get down to the nitty gritty, I recently returned from the USA Championships in Sacramento. It was great to see Kibwé come away with the win, even though I know his result was far less than he expects of himself. Something you may not know about Kibwé is that he is a big time track geek. He seeks out all results, live streams, TV broadcasts, anything track related he can get his hands on relating to the sport he loves . . . even the live chats on MacThrow, full of all the anonassholes . . . which leads me back to the whole title of this article.
Kibwé was the recent topic on MacThrow. A picture from USAs was posted and all the anonhaters and anonpostulaters began discussing the photo and how it relates to the technique – some good was said, but mostly bad. During these faceless discussions everyone has an opinion as they hide behind their warm, soft, cuddly blanket of anonymity. It is ignorant to look at a still photo and talk about what you think it should look like or how it’s supposed to look, but what these anonidiots don’t realize is that their opinion in this context is completely worthless. It got me thinking, however, about the thought process behind this line of thinking and how that’s truly the problem. Now, don’t get me wrong, Kibwé’s technique was not on point at championships, and I’m not going to get into his preparations and training and why this came to be . . .
What I want to talk about is why anonexperts think it’s relevant to compare one photo to another, or one video to another. Tamm vs Sedyck, or Nikulin vs Litvinov? A useful analogy I came up with relates to pornography and sex. So, let’s compare throwing vs pornography video/photo analysis shall we?
1. She’s faking it?Well, she’s satisfied, so it must have been good, right? That’s what you’re thinking when you see your favorite starlet hollering like a banshee. But let’s face facts: her screaming in vain during a scene, and you screaming at the end of the throw give no guarantee that hammer goes far or that she experiences an orgasm. I heard many faked throwgasms during the men’s hammer final and the results prove they didn’t make the hammer go far. The hopeful competitors are trying to will that throw to further places, and unlike the starlets in your movies, they are only kidding themselves. Those girls in the movies are putting on a show for the viewer, the same can be said for athletes, the difference is, I think sometimes athletes are even fooling themselves. They aren’t even sure if the throw is going to go far, so they fake a throwgasm in hopes that it’s the real deal. I’m as guilty as the next thrower. This isn’t completely on the athlete, or the poor girl left hanging in Big Boobs 54. It’s up to the girl’s partner, and the athlete’s coach to help them reach their peak.
2. He’s really giving it to her…isn’t he?
So you’re watching a juicy clip and thinking, “Man, Mr. Dong Wang is really laying the pipe.” (There’s so many things wrong with that sentence you pervs, but moving on . . .). So Wang is working hard, he’s sweating, he’s pounding away ferociously like a clichéd jackhammer. Not only that, but it looks like he’s making headway (pun intended) with Ms. Takes It All Day for Cash. He finishes, she finishes, another magical moment in the porn industry. Now that you’ve seen this magical moment, you’re a f*cking pro. Literally! You can go have the sex like the best of them, and every woman you bed will walk away satisfied? What’s wrong with this picture? The same thing that is wrong with all these armchair coaches that watch some video and look at pictures of throwers and come away with the notion “I f*cking got this!” It’s almost like the anonknowitalls live in the Matrix and uploaded years of throwing technique and training knowledge in seconds and have come back to teach the rest of us how it’s done.
3. Who cares if he had a pedicure!
Sooooo . . . foot fetish folks aside, did you notice if the starlets in your favorite clip or movie had pedicures? What about their hip extension? Did you retrieve your goniometer and measure the exact amount of hip extension Sir Dicks Alot achieved during Butt Bangers 84? Probably not, so why in god’s name are you measuring the angle of release and then actively trying to improve that inane variable? Not to be flippant, I understand this affects how far a hammer sails, but it is a terrible cue or technical factor to try and manipulate. Just as it is ridiculous to try and coach someone to achieve a certain amount of hip extension during coitus. Aside from that, imagine if during sex you were thinking about your hip extension, or whether you had a pedicure or not? How successfully can either of you achieve your copular goals, if you are so focused on silly measures, that you lose sight of the delightful deed you are pursuing?
4. Size matters?
What’s that old saying, something about motion of the ocean? Let’s face it, that saying was made up by some guy with a tiny phallus. Don’t cry too hard anontinypricks. My point is, if you’re doing vid/photo analysis of male porn stars, what you’re seeing is unreliable. Maybe Mr. Big is with a very tiny girl, making him look like Mr. Normal. Enter man hands, and all of a sudden Mr. Normal becomes Mr. Small. The same is true for throwing. You can’t get an accurate handle on what you’re seeing unless you really get in there and see it in person and are familiar with the ins and outs (pun unintended) of that athlete and what works for them. How do you do that? Watch full throws, lots and lots and lots of them. A snapshot will never tell you if an athlete is pushing during the throw, it won’t tell you whether a throw is “right” or “wrong” by cross comparison, and it certainly won’t tell you if Mr. Small can make that motion of the ocean nonsense true.
The bottom line is that f*cking and throwing are based on feel. I’m not saying biomechanics and analysis don’t have their place. They do, but only as measures, not as guides to coach.
The wife, Crystal, has just returned from an Ido Portal Movement-X course. In it, the instructors spoke a lot about making pragmatic choices that work for you and your body. The idea being that there is not one specific way for an individual to do what’s required. I already had most of this post written, but decided to add to it because that’s an important point that I think needs to be taken more seriously within the throwing community.